Day 20 of my captivity....

My parents continue to torment me....

Today, they put me face-up on this strange mat with bizarre dangling objects hanging above me. My diet consists of milk, milk, and more milk (with an occasional side of formula mixed with..............wait for it..............................milk). Daddy took me for a walk in something called a Baby Bjorn, or as Grandma would call it, "some fandangled torture contraption".

Oh, my so-called bodyguards are totally ignoring me...see below photographic and audio evidence (The following conversation was captured using hi-tech surveillance equipment)

Calvin: "You notice anything different?"
Oliver: "Nope."
Calvin: "You sure?"
Oliver: "Yep."
Calvin: "Positive?"
Oliver: "Positive. Now go away, before I smack you."